Dear Reader
Ever wondered why it is so very difficult to say 'NO'--have another cup of tea, na? It's okay. . . have another dosa or parantha or a burger--it's too yummy . . . or that one comfortable dress which everyone thinks you don't look good at all but you are sure you want to wear that only, yet on that one day you will wear what everyone thinks you look good in it? . . . you know you are unwell, you know your boss won't reject it but you will still push yourself. . . or your spouse expects you to accompany her/him to a party and you can't say no despite a headache or just a disinclination to go out that day. . . that one friend who means a world and you have put away meeting/ calling her/him with 'i will do it another day? Isn't the number of such instances in everyday life unlimited where your heart says a resounding NO and you do the exact opposite?
But, why is saying NO so difficult? Is it because we want to keep people who matter to us happy? or is it that we really don't know what we want? (It's a dangerous myth😡!! A relationship is the responsibility of two people involved-be it any relationship, just like a clap needs two hands) or peer pressure? or competition? An eagerness to stay ahead of the world--in personal and/or professional life? Or is it because one is ambitious and sees every door that opens as an opportunity to be successful? or is it more deeply than this?
There is a Japanese proverb that goes like this: 'if you fall seven times in a place and you stand up in the same place the eight-time, you have won' And then there is this:'aim for the moon, you will reach the tree top'; then there is this another one in Kannada 'ಮನಸ್ಸಿದ್ದಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾರ್ಗ', 'where there is a will, there is a way'. These are the most popular ones. I am sure each culture values 'persistence' as holy and sanctifies it.
Most common reasons stem from the anxiety of societal perceptions--even in the most intimate relationships--between spouses, parents and children. Strangely, one expects that saying no should be easy; yet, it comes slowly at times and at different times, too late or never. One very subconsciously knows that a 'NO' need not always lead to confrontations or quarrels. Yet, in most cases, it is understood to lead to confrontations or it leads to a danger zone of fights that leaves one deeply wounded or scarred!!
In a professional space, one is concerned that a 'No' could be seen as a sign of weakness, lack of commitment or giving up an opportunity. Most often, many end up meek, accepting all or looking for a new work opportunity.
The reasons for not saying NO could be innumerable--cultural, psychological, social, economic etc. But one sure thing about saying 'NO' is it does break all established hierarchies--be it at home or in a professional space or even just between two friends or beloveds. It is a decision that an individual has taken in one's own interest. (DISCLAIMER: let us not wander into dark alleys of a misdemeanour🙏)
In situations that hurt individuals emotionally, saying NO is empowering, self-assuring and of course, healing. It is one way of 'rising in love' as OSHO once said about 'falling in love'. The difference is that 'NO' in many instances is a mark of 'self-love'--the bold and liberating spiritual hymn of the twenty-first century. To accept oneself one has to break different types of societal perceptions, restrictions and notions of life. It is taking decision making into one's hands, freeing oneself and embarking on happiness. It does take immense self-consciousness to say 'NO'. Paradoxically, what is mostly forgotten while saying 'NO' is that it is an inferential act of saying 'YES'!!
Dear reader, the choice is always there and happening. Make your choice. I am sure that as long as a 'yes' or a 'no' leads to a happy, healthy, glowing Self, that nourishes the mind and body, heart and soul, it's fine, I suppose.
Dear Reader, I am happy to reconnect once again by sharing my thoughts which are very close to my heart. If you have something to say or to share, please do share👇 and if you are happy to read this blog, do hit the follow button 👉
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